Wednesday, 20 May 2009

Oh, conspiracy theorists

So, I've been meaning to create a new blog for a while, but what actually inspired me was one of those NWO conspiracy documentaries on Youtube.

Yes, I know, but I have a real, unhealthy obsession with such things. I suppose it's a bit like those people for who used to spice up their sex life with fluffy hand-cuffs and now can barely get aroused unless they are dangling from the ceiling of a German warehouse with a meathook through their genitals. But enough about my DVD collection. The video in question was this, in all its interminable parts. Now, I freely admit I haven't watched the whole thing, mainly because, given the fact that the first ten minutes mainly consisted of footage from Prison Planet and The fucking Matrix, I highly doubt it has anything particularly earth-shattering to impart. The thing that got me thinking though, was the part where it quote from a speech by JFK, in the first segment. You can find the whole speech (predictably paranoided to all fuck) here.

Now, I've heard this speech before, both in conspiracy contexts and otherwise, but its use by conspiracy theorists has always glossed over me before. Really, I don't think I should have to explain it. It's an interesting window into the world of conspiracy nuts that when they hear an American president, at practically the height of the cold war, say "we are opposed, around the world, by a monolithic and ruthless conspiracy, that relies primarily on covet means for expanding it's fear of influence" they say "BILDERBERG GROUP SKULL AND BONES MASONS ILLUMINATI OMG" rather than any other powerful, secretive groups with enormous power that happened to be around at the time.

Which got me thinking. I've read a few articles and seen a few youtube videos exposing the dishonest use of quote mining by creationists (The TalkOrigins Archive is, as normal, bang on the money). But I've never really seen someone attempt to dissect conspiracist screed this way. Oh, likely it has been done. This is the internet after all, and nitpackers and paranoid sociopaths cross paths hundreds of times a day. So, lets have a crack at this video. Moving on to part two, which is confusingly titled part one. Apparently this guy sells this on DVD. Presumably in case Annunakis vampire lizards and big pharmaceuticals ever start using youtube to subliminally control the minds of an unwilling populace. Trying to imagine the kind of person who buys this stuff is depressing and a little frightening, like photographs from Victorian textbooks on developmental biology. ANYWAY. Part two. 'The Global Elite'.

First up, we have William Pitt (the older one), advising us in 1770 that:

"There is something behind the throne greater than the King himself."

Well, why, yes, of course there is. It's called 'Parliament'. Pitt may have been referring to the citizenry in general either, but given that 1770 was the year he re-joined the House of Lords, I think that this is a safe bet, as well as making perfect sense. Britain was well into the century and a half long process of reforms that stripped the monarch of all remaining power and established parliamentary sovereignty by this point. And why is power behind the throne such a bad thing? Is this man advocating absolute monarchy as a good alternative to the NWO? Or does he think Pitt was the king?

Also, what is it with the music in these films? There's practically a genre of this stuff. Electro-Paranoid. Lots of simple drum loops straight off some charity shop sample CD, with bad reverb splashed everywhere. You'd think if this guy has the balls to rip scenes from the Matrix and sell it on DVD he could be bothered to infringe the copyright of some decent music.

Next we have Roosevelt informing us that large financial institutions have a lot of leverage in government. Well, of course. One of the most annoying abilities of conspiracy theorists is their capacity to take a lot of things that are basically true and mould it into something utterly retarded.

Damn, I thought this quote run would be longer. Instead we segue straight to a sort of pseudo-documentary bit. Apparently the American Revolution was fought against central banks. I'm sensing that we're about to see a stream of incomprehensible graphs badly cropped from GIS and a lot of bollocks about Adam Smith. Fucking libertarians. Because I can't be bothered to learn once again how money like, doesn't really exist man and we're all like, totally in debt to the Rockefeller Group and doubtless how the way to fix it is to put us back on the chuffing gold standard, I'm going to skip ahead.

Oh fucking hell. Twenty minutes on the fucking Bilderberg group? "What are these rich and powerful people doing behind closed doors?" What do you think? They're smoking cigars, drinking brandy and getting expert blowjobs, of course. Damn, when I started this article, I thought I was going to get more play out of the central premise, rather than just swearing at a badly edited video which is trying to get me to believe rich people and politicians need to control the world with conspiracies, rather than, you know, openly. Like they actually do.

Bilderberg...Bush...Icke...oh sod this. This post is over. I'll get you next time, you dastardly fiends.

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