Saturday, 27 February 2010

New favourite wikipedia page

Just look how much effort has gone into this. Also consider that it is perfectly reasonable to imagine that every single edit to this page was soundtracked by Cradle of Filth, thus making it the best page ever of anything.

Seriously, think how much effort has gone into this. It puts your life in perspective.

Saturday, 20 February 2010


Two Budgerigars
Rollerball, dip pens, black ink, fabric paint, coffee

Twee as fuck but I'm proud of it.

New favourite sentence on wikipedia.

From Food Play:

"Yeastiality - A sexual activity in which bread or bread dough is the focus of erotic desire."

I am the ham.


I'm drawing a budgie for a birthday present for my aunt. A little twee, but I'll slap it up in a couple hours when I'm done.

Thursday, 18 February 2010

2 Paintings

Well, loosely.

Only Rebel Art Must Be Allowed to Exist,
Acrylic paint, bodily fluids

See whole picture (if cropped on your screen)

Terror Assassins
Fabric paint, biro, black fineliner, felt tips, spraypaint, fragments of newspapers and political pamphlet

See whole picture (if cropped on your screen)

Art is coming out of me thick and fast now. It's crazy.

Sunday, 14 February 2010

Metaphor For the State 1

Fairly self-explanatory, I hope. Came to me whilst I was in the gym, funnily enough.

Thursday, 11 February 2010

Some Images, Happiness

Self-Image February 2010
Permanent marker, black nail varnish, correction fluid, blue fineliner on cartridge paper

Who Will Deliver Me?
Permanent marker on cartridge paper

Fuck De Boere
Permanent marker, black nail varnish, correction fluid on cartridge paper

Parcel tape and correction fluid on cartidge paper

Untitled (Unintentional Image of a Disgruntled Cartoon Man)
Correction fluid and black nail varnish on cartridge paper

I feel like my life has suddenly, and without any warning, turned a corner. A great big sickening black pall of depression, which has hung over me for over a year, has suddenly vanished. With it has vanished my apathy. Apathy is the worst thing about depression; it seems so easy to overcome, and yet you just, well, can't be bothered, somehow. This should be an awful time for me: I first got together my lover of three years, who I split up with (permanently this time) about ten months ago, on valentines day five years ago. But it's not! I feel great! I've started going to the gym again, and this evening I just sat down and grabbed whatever I could find and made art just for the sake of it.

Fuck the citalopram, I'm cured.

Sunday, 7 February 2010

A poem

I can't do shit with this cartoon. In lieu of some sketchbook stuff, here's an obscene poem. A reading of this with some musical accompaniment should be appearing on a compilation somewhere soon. Also I need to probably listen to less Sutcliffe Jugend.

Extreme Pornography

Part 1: Masturbation Fantasy

I am a sadist
I derive pleasure from the pain of others
And they derive pleasure from my cruelty
I can be very cruel when I want to be
And I want to be cruel very, very often
I have no control over my own life
So I crave control over the lives of others
I want to control your life
I don't care if you have a cock
I don't care if you have a cunt
I only care that you obey
Without thought
Without question
I want to hurt you
I want to turn you into Extreme Pornography
I want to use you as a pincushion
I want to use you as an ashtray
I want to punch you in the face
I want to fuck you the arse
I want to fucking degrade you
I want to fucking humiliate you
I want dominance
I want dominion
I want to use you as a toilet
I want to use you as a candelabra
I want to objectify you utterly
I want to use you as a canvas
I want to create a new art form
The medium will be the message
The work will say 'suffering'
It will say that we are meat
It will be etched into your meat
It will transform your flesh
And your flesh will transform the world
We will clean the world with blood and vinegar
We will make all the chains real, finally
Life is Extreme Pornography
No Consent
Life is a rape/revenge film that never ends
They will see their hypocrisy
Mirrored in my boots
They will wash it away
With roman showers
They will be forced to understand
We will fuck them back to sanity

And they will hate us for it
And they will love us for it

They will beg us to stop
Their despair will be erotic
We will clean away their tears with torn flags
We will take scalpels to their uniforms
We will mask them and take whips to their flesh
Calling out contradictory demands
As they heave desperately on ropes
Attached to the gates of the asylum

Part 2: Consequences

And it will never stop
And it will never get better
It will always hurt
It will leave marks
It won't grow back
No matter how much you want it to
Because that's life
A self-balancing equation
Input pain
Output pleasure
That's how it works
So you can eat others must starve
So you can laugh others must cry
There are no victimless crimes
There are no free lunches
Every second another rape
Every second another murder
With one bullet to load each gun
We could kill everyone
Sons lashed to fathers
Daughters to mothers
Pitched off the bridge
Into the frozen water
Like a chain for the world
Like a chain for the mind
We draw circles
But there's nothing outside
And nothing inside
Except us
And Extreme Pornography

Saturday, 6 February 2010

I am an Anonymous Motherfucker

I have an idea in a sketchbook for a collection of photographic self-portraits featuring signs showing all the nasty things people have called me for little reason. Many of them are pedestrian. I obviously need a fair few colourful ones. Thankfully, FdB has a google alert on his name and has found this blog. So I'm hopeful. Franz, darling, I want you to try and top 'Anti-Isreali venom dog' which is the best thing anyone has ever called me. 'Anonymous Motherfucker' is a definite keeper as well. I am not sure why it is worse being an anonymous motherfucker (I'm not really anonymous of course) than letting the whole planet know exactly where you live.

Later this evening, I will post a cartoon. Joy!

I know this blog has been kinda weak for the last six months. I'm still very sorry about that.

Wednesday, 3 February 2010

Franz de Byl

It's story time!

The internet is kind of like a field of stones. Start flipping them over and you'll find all sorts of strange and fascinating things. Also, a whole mess of nutters.

Like many vaguely pretentious music lovers, I have spent quite a while working my way through the Nurse With Wound List. I've made some pretty good progress, but some of these artists are mind-bogglingly obscure. Having another nose around, I found that one of the most obscure of the artists, Franz de Byl, had just recently put up some tracks on his radio. Hurrah!

Then I discovered that Franz de Byl is balls-out crazy. I enjoy this sort of craziness so much that I just have to document it before it dissapears.

His wiki description:

"Franz de Byl strikes back now! If you can’t beat them, join them…
Franz de Byl joined Last.FM now – for only one reason: To define and dominate “his” Last.FM-site by only himself, this site what Last.FM did not want to erase or remove.
Until Google and others are executing this Last.FM “company” because of copyright abuse and so on FdB sees the only chance to absorb this homepage of Sony for his own intents.
Berlin, Dec 30, 2009-12-30
Franz de Byl
Musician & Music Teacher"

This is the first indication that Franz de Byl does not understand the internet at all. Note that he has signed and dated his own wiki entry. He always signs himself 'Musician & Music Teacher' or 'Musiker und Musiklehrer' depending on what language he's writing in. You will also notice mr. "De Byl" really likes putting "things" in inverted "colons". Part of this is obviously to do with a certain lack of familiarity with casual english. I'm not sure what he means about Sony: I suppose there must have been a Sony ad on the page ( is owned by CBS). I am also not quite sure what he means about the copyright. I think, looking over other dialogues between De Byl and, that De Byl seems to think that websites displaying the titles of his songs or images of his album covers is copyright theft. It's worth noting that as of the time of this writing, De Byl had under 200 plays total on, which makes him almost as obscure on that site as me.

Here is the only comment on site, left by...him:

"Hello Music Team I want to inform you about the fact that this so called "Nurse With Wound List" is nothing but a self-fulfilling gratification of Mr. Steven Stapleton who "collected" all these artists names on a "list" for only this reason to become a member in this famous club of stars himself. He created this list of lots of important people just to put his own name in the round. The "NWW list" is a list of bad music. That's why I never wanted to be named in this bullshit list. I told this to Mr. Stapleton but he doesn't want to remove my name. This is what I will sue him for very soon. Every man must have the informational self-determination to decide in what link he is trapped and what "prize" he is given. Mr. Stapleton did never ask me if I would agree to his decision to put my name on his ridiculous and illegal list. So I am asking you to please remove this link. Franz de Byl Take a look at my blog"

Again we note "FdB's" habits. And here, the most fabulous thing. Let me repeat that again.

"This is what I will sue him for very soon. Every man must have the informational self-determination to decide in what link he is trapped and what "prize" he is given. Mr. Stapleton did never ask me if I would agree to his decision to put my name on his ridiculous and illegal list. "

This is fantastic! I really hope I don't have to explain how frothingly crazy this is. This would be like sueing someone for giving you an oscar. 'illegal list'. Oh my.

Another inscrutable habit of de Byl is that he seems to make a new blog every time he makes a new thread. Here's another one:

"To me it seems more than incredible and unbelievable that parasites, criminals and pimps like this dare claiming to force something very pure, good and exceptional (Jesus!) - isn't it like Scientology or the Taliban - not to forget: Mr. Steven Stapleton, the hugest idiot and inventor of the so called NWW list?


The best thing though? This is what I saw at the bottom of the page when I googled Franz de Byl. This is pretty incredible. I don't think I've ever seen one of these before:

"In response to a complaint we received under the US Digital Millennium Copyright Act, we have removed 3 result(s) from this page. If you wish, you may read the DMCA complaint that caused the removal(s) at"

Holy shit. What is this guy on?

I would appreciate it if any German speaker could translate this for me:

As my German only extends as far as being able to order beer and ask where the toilet is later.

Anyway, just thought I'd share this bizarre trivia. There's more to dig in to with this (and probably more great quotes to uncover) and I'll post again if I turn up anything else. Or probably I'll just lose all interest in this whatsoever. Whatever.

Tuesday, 2 February 2010

Psychedelic Warlords


Felt tip pens, acrylic paint, fabric paint, ash, black ballpoint on paper.

I would like to apologise for the poor image quality, amateurish stitching, and the general god-awfulness of everything I turn my cursed hands to. I would like to use this very important blog post to remind you that winners don't do drugs*.

*Apart from the inumberable great musicians, artists, writers, philosophers, thinkers, athletes and scientist who remain honourable exceptions.

A note: when thinking on the last paragraph, I googled up a list on Erowid of famous drug users, which was arranged into columns of person, drugs, source, etc.

Aleister Crowley's drug column just says 'Many, Heroin'.