Thursday, 27 October 2011

A Sexy Chatlog

Excerpted from a conversation between me and a young lady of my recent acquaintance.


Me: What is it you do, if you don't mind me asking

Me: (is a postgrad student, studying Fine Art)

Her: Nothing so glamorous as being a student. I work overnights at a local convenience store.

Me: common drudgery!

Me: Let me transport you away from it

Her: Ha ha, very much so. I feel like a combination of things at my work, but I make a pretty good living doing it.

Me: with my magic peeeeeenis

Me: :3

/She rides on the magic penis like it's the enchanted carpet from Aladdin.

Me: Oh dear, my magical penis seems to have become stuck in your anus! What a frightful to do!

Her: I suppose the only thing to do is to push in deep then pull back..wiggle it about and see if it can come loose.

Me: That seems risky, what if it creates a pressure imbalance? We will have to make sure your other lower body cavities are properly sealed. Luckily, I happen to have this silicone device here. Observe how it is shaped similiarly to the penis of an implausibly well equipped human male? By grim biological determinism, that is also the shape of your reproductive cavity. You will have to stick this thing in as far as it will go before we even think about moving the cock stuck up your arse.

Her: Well, it's very kind of you to supply me with such a device. I would never question your authority on such manners and I am indeed quite grateful for such sound advice. Perhaps I may trouble you since you are already back there, to place this device inside of me to ensure it goes in quite deep. I should think that once it is in place, you will have to hold onto me quite tightly for purchase lest you fall over as you move your cock. I wouldn't want you to risk injury when you're only trying to help.

Me: That is very considerate of you. Let me see if it just...there we go. My goodness, it slips in quite easily. You must have an unusually elastic vagina, probably from having experienced the miracle of childbirth after a single act of monogamous sexual intercourse. The device fits all the way inside quite easily. Now, perhaps if you were to adopt a kneeling position, with your hands held out in front of you to support your weight? Then, if I feel myself slipping, in the direst of emergencies I can always grab hold of your hair to save myself. Hopefully it won't come to that.

Her: Well, I haven't given birth, but I find that I'm curiously moist. Perhaps that aided in the insertion, but yes, let me kneel so that we're closer to the ground in case one or both of us should fall over. There we are, I'm nice and balanced on my hands and knees. My hair is quite long, so if you need to grab a hold, go right ahead. Here, let me push back against you a bit then pull forward with my hips..are you feeling anything yet? You're in there nice and deep.

Me: Yes. I do rather fear that the only possible way to extricate my penis will be by allowing my erection to subside. The quickest route to this is probably to induce the condition of orgasm as quickly as possible. I know it's a little distasteful, but this is an emergency. If you're sure you're well balanced, if you could just reach round behind me, in to my own anus, and see if you can locate my prostate gland? Manual stimulation of the prostate gland combined with the stimulation of my phallus by being moved round inside your rectal cavity should be the key here, though just in case I shall be using my own hands to massage the fatty tissue accumulations on your chest, as this has been scientifically proven to increase both the rapidity and intensity of the male orgasm, and an orgasm of sufficient intensity may get us out of this predicament quite naturally, without having to wait for any softening

Her: A pity there isn't a young fellow here to assist us, but I would be delighted to help you. Let me moisten my fingers a bit as I would hate to make this unpleasant for you. I admit to being a novice in the area of prostate stimulation but I am a rapt and willing pupil. Tell me, guide me and I shall do your bidding. I'll keep the pace of my hips steady for now whilst I get my fingers moist. If you would gently rub my nipples, pinch them just a bit..that should do the trick. Here, let me push against you hard for a moment..searching..there we are, I have my index finger inside of you, do you require more fingers? I can put another in if it would help with the process.

Me: No, no, for simple prostate stimulation a single finger will suffice, and often be more dextrous, if you push in a little deeper, down a bit...yes, there we go. Perfect. That thing you can feel there is my prostate gland. Massage it gently, and perhaps pull your finger, or maybe two actually...no, three, yes, in a triangle...three fingers in and out of my anus a little, stimulating the sphincter on the out-stroke...that's the method. May I compliment you on your milk-producing organs, by the way? They are rather pleasing to the touch. I feel that I may ejaculate soon. it is possible I will lose control over my vocal utterances at this point, yes.

Me: UGH TAKE IT TAKE IT YOU SLUT

Me: *ahem* apologies for that. As you may have noticed, I have experienced an orgasm. I can now feel that my penis is sufficiently loosened to be removed from your anus without too much fuss. Since you have used your body to cause me to experience an orgasm in my body, I understand that it is appropriate etiquette to use my body to make you experience an orgasm, in your body. I was thinking of employing a method I once saw descrined in a book, where the face parts of a person are inserted in to urination and child production areas of the female and agitated in an appropriate fashion.

Her: I'm quite relieved that I was able to bring you to the desired and necessary orgasm to free your penis from the prison of my anal cavity. Your compliment on my breasts is quite appreciated and flattering. It isn't often that someone is polite and knows such etiquette, though I would be equally pleased with you laying beside me and using your fingers to mimic the motion of your penis. This way, we may continue to converse and I can be treated to the delightful cut of your glib. Words and wit arouse me almost as much as any sexual act, you understand. And I do so enjoy letting the other person see what their affect over me is. Looking into their eyes and getting lost..ah, but I am rambling now, aren't I?

Me: hmphulghumghghlaughlapghffathuaghlphthft?

/He removes his face parts from you crotchparts

Me: Sorry, I didn't hear what you said, I was too busy concentrating on using parts of my body more properly designed to signal emotional states to induce orgasm through the stimulation of the external parts of your urino-genital organs.